thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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