Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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