saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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