i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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