I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
