Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize