K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
