i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
