What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
