I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
