even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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