I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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