you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
