I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
