my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
