if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
