Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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