Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
