Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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