stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
