Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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