ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
