i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
