i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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