We're facebook friends in real life
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
