Non-Jews are for practice
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
