u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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