You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
