Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
