I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
