I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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