Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
