I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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