Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
