were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
