who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
