you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
