Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
