It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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