I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
