I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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