I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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