Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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