I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
