I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
