doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sext me about skeletons
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
