my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
