So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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