you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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