My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
