well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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