I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize