So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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