i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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