my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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