I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
