2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
