and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
