well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
