okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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