I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
