sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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