I wish I could punch you in the face.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
