I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
