I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
