trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
