Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
