New invention idea: vibrating tampons
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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