Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
