R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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