i came on her dog
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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