okay pat passed out under dana's car
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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